When asked me how the Chicago Marathon went, I replied with the first thought and feeling that came to mind, “Disappointed.”
I ran a good race for the cards I was dealt that day. In fact, I probably shouldn’t have ran that race but I felt obligated to finish what I started. I ran on an injured foot. I finished under five hours, far from my personal best on that course. I understood that I needed to take it easy so I can run another day.
Pace, form, strategy, and other running related thoughts no longer filled my mind. I simply had to finish what I started. During the marathon, they were replaced by a look back on my past four years.
I found myself disappointed with myself. I’m no where close to where I want to be in my life. I’m still in debt. I’m still in school part time. I continue to defer many of my dreams. The biggest thing that bothered me were my regrets. My regrets are not the things I did and wish I can take back. They were things that I didn’t do. So many opportunities and experiences were lost. Time passed me by.
A good runner doesn’t dwell on the past. The runner must look forward. To get to where I want to go, I need to where I am and how I got here. Are there any lessons to be learned from past mistakes and failures? What resources do I have now? Where could I go? How can I go move from a state of dissatisfaction to one of jubilation? Until I can answer some of these questions, my life find itself directionless and facing the past.
Over the past two months, I reflected on the past two years of my life to tease out information that will carry me to a place I want to be. I meditated over those questions. I worked through the negative thoughts to discover positive ideas. With some of my questions answered and many positive ideas, it’s time to orient myself and head towards the direction I want my life to go.
Happiness is found along the way, not at the end of the road.
