Ensuring freedom and independence is a long battle. The sacrifice is high but the rewards are endless. The thirteen colonies fought five year long years before ensuring freedom from England. They faced many ups and downs during until the United States of America was formed to ensure freedoms and rights mentioned in the Declaration of Independence. Personal freedom and independence is no different. During my one year review of my life, I found myself disappointed.
I did not gain as much ground as I wanted. Demons climbed out of the woodwork, rapped against my skull, and attempt to claw inside. There’s much work to be done. I stepped back to reflect on what work and what didn’t. I looked around for inspiration. I sought out reasons why demons start to haunt my thoughts again.
Running has rewarded me in the past year. I gained some of the self-esteem I was lacked. I strengthened my resolve. It provided me physical and mental health benefits. I feel have a better body image and I am happier as a whole. I rely on other people less for my happiness such as a girlfriend or a friend. My mood hasn’t fluctuated since I’ve been consistently training. My body feels better. Many people that haven’t seen me in awhile say I look slimmer. My legs look hot sexy. It’s my only confidence booster in life.
Many of the things that trouble me are inter-related. They feed off of each other. School, finances, and my home life tear me down quickly.
Fear, self-doubt, and other demons brought back bad habits and poor decisions. I did poorly in class and dropped others. I couldn’t handle negative self-talk. I spent more time at the library battling negative thinking than discovering new knowledge and ideas. Learning the material in school became a burden. Here’s the funny thing. I love learning new things from books in the public library’s stacks. If I becomes formalized education, I fall apart. This summer is, in a way, my Valley Forge. I need to fine tune existing skills and hone new ones. I plan to register for two classes this Fall to test my skills and adapt them.
Money is a tool we use to barter for things we need or want. W hat we decide to do it dictates if it good or bad. The credit card companies are collecting interest from me that should be going towards my dreams. Bad decisions haunt me and I kick myself everyday, twice as hard when a bill is coming do. My goal before the summer ends is seeking a full time job to supplement the money I’m already earning. Once I accomplish this, I can start saving for school. Seeking for business opportunities to temper risk of working for someone else. The opportunity needs to flexible enough to travel wherever I live. I do not want to be tied down to one place very long. I want my options.
Living with my parents is a very draining affair. It’s cheaper than renting a studio apartment but is it worth my sanity? There isn’t much I can do with living at my parent’s home except avoiding the place. A six dollar mixed coffee is much cheaper than rent or going insane. I am also looking at colleges outside of the Chicago metropolitan area. I want to be far enough not to be tempted going back to a place that familiar and un-nurturing. After running the Illinois Marathon, I made attending University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign as my goal. Everyone I’ve met enjoys the university, it’s far away from my parents domain, and they have what I need, the academics, the atmosphere, and the inspiration. I just need to prove to them that they need me as a future alumnus. There are other schools I am looking at but attending this school is my top priority.
Reaching for my dreams is an ongoing process that I need to continuously work on. Before I get there I need to free myself of demons that inhibit my progress and find ways to overcome roadblocks. Actions today create a brighter tomorrow.
