I realized that I never lived fully in the present during my long day. I’ve been living primarily in the past and for the future. The past continues to haunt me. I look forward and worry about the future. “Be here NOW!” my philosophy/religion teacher told my class at least once a week in high school.
Past, Present, and Future
Focusing only on living for today has its problems. People living in the present moment does not consider tomorrow, a year from now, or twenty years from now. They do not prepare for life’s emergencies or having the proper amount of resources to live their life well. They lack a destination and a goal. Many people I know do not learn from their past.
I am also a critic of living almost exclusively in the past. A person stands still unwilling to move forward, loses out on fulfilling experiences, and stunts his growth. Nothing gets accomplished. He holds on too tight and nothing new is created. People march on without him.
Being too future focused has its own problems. Life is deferred until tomorrow. Unfortunately, tomorrow may never come. A person may lose their roots and connections.
There are people who live within that spectrum but never finding a healthy mix. I stand within that spectrum. I thought I was learning from the past and reaching out into the future. I concluded that my thoughts, actions, and habits did not reflect this. I meditated on the thought during my run. I don’t live in the present. The past and future pulls and tears the fabric of who I am.
Never in the Present Moment
I started contributing to my retirement fund when I turned 17. I have a healthy sum of money sitting there waiting for an old Markemmanuel. I put so much money aside for the future that I never enjoyed my present. I did not do things boys and twenty-somethings do. I was too afraid of the consequences affecting my future. What little time I have here is a precious gift. I didn’t experience the things I want to experience. I haven’t hiked through Yosemite, enjoyed a free wheeling weekend with my closest buddies, or ride across the United States.
The past replays in my head and stifles my growth and maturation. It beats me down repeatedly. Past decisions weigh me down and causes stress. Debt from a poorly lived life burdens me everyday. Negative thoughts and feelings emanating from the past reverberates in the today to send me back to a place where I do not want to go. It affects my outlook, how I deal with events in my life, and how I view myself.
I never enjoyed the present moment because I feared how it affected my future. I was afraid of how it will play out. The past always pulls me under trying to suffocated my dreams and goals. It’s time I enjoy today. The present moment is the only thing I can change and have control over. I need to embrace ‘right now’, cherish it and bask in its glory. I can not change the past. Tomorrow may never come. All I have is now.
I am treading water in my life and sometimes I wish if I can’t move in either direction that I might be pulled under. I don’t wish to sound dramatic but I was just this morning typing in into my search browser “I want to change my life”. How desperate is that. I am out of shape (overweight) not as healthy as I could be, I don’t know if I want to be married anymore, I don’t know where I want to live, or anything else I want in my life!!!!
I just have to say this was potentially one of the best articles I’ve had the chance to go over on the subject so far. I do not understand where you learn all your information but I am impressed! I’m going to send some people over here to take a look at this post. Awesome, simply awesome. I’m just getting into writing articles myself, nothing close to your writing potential (lol) but I would love for you to have a look at my work in progress someday!