I knew something was wrong with me but I didn’t know what it was. While everyone was going along enjoying life and getting things done, I sat at home not loving life. I was endlessly tired. I didn’t feel like I was worth anything to anyone. I experienced self-deprecating thoughts. I found myself to be very apathetic. I could not focus or concentrate. Any little thing irritated me.
I visited the doctor to rule out any physical problems, and he didn’t find anything. My mom and I decided that I find seek counseling. After a few sessions, it was diagnosed to be dysthymia (also called dysthymic disorder), a chronic and mild form of depression.
What is dysthymia?
Dysthymia is chronic depression. While it is milder than major depression, it disables people because it slowly grinds at life. It is under-recognized and under-treated mood disorder. Because the symptoms are so gradual and chronic, many believe it’s simply part of their personality.
Books I have read on the subject believe this is worse than major depression. It gnaws at a person everyday and affects every part of the person’s life.
Why dysthymia?
My therapist determined that I had the symptoms of dysthymia. I had a depressed mood most of the day for at least two years and I exhibited two or more symptoms while depressed. She asked me about everything. She asked how I felt now, what is happening in my life., who are in my life, what happened in my past, how I felt before, and what my experiences in life were up until that point.
How Did We Treat It?
We decided to forgo drugs because I was afraid of side effects. We focused on cognitive behavioral therapy and exercise. I was skeptical at first but found that is very effective in treating my problem. She gave me a book entitled, Self-Esteem, written by Matthew McKay. It was very helpful developing cognitive behavioral skills to address negative and distorted thinking patterns. Later I found books and research studies validating the power of exercise. Some studies have found that exercise is may be as effective or better than many antidepressants. Exercise has a better durability and less side-effects than antidepressants. There is a great book by Keith Johnsgard called Conquering Depression and Anxiety Through Exercise that discusses exercise as a treatment.
For the past few years, I’ve been managing it without the psychotherapy. I did pretty decent without someome coaching me through it. Unfortunately, I ran into a wall that had me fall to my knees. It was the perfect storm that began in 2007. I was laid off twice and it drained my savings account while I searched for a job and went back to school. I didn’t find a job to pay the bills and ended up moving back to my parent’s home last year. I stopped running so I can recover from the marathon and fell out of habit. Credit card unexpectedly jumped to the default rate and a few other personal events kicked me to the ground. I stopped following the the treatment plan and events in my life had me spiraling downward again. Double depression (Possibly). Ouch.
I had trouble functioning in different areas in my life. It hit me hard academically. I had to drop two classes and a third is hanging on a thread. I started pull away from people. I gave my shifts away at work. Because I was vigilant with my symptoms, I slowly started working toward rebuilding life and eventually contacted Health and Psychological Services at school. I’m back on my treatment plan. I started running again. Psychology has helped me immensely. I have been the most open and productive with my current cousnelor. We’re discussing additional approaches to overcome my problem once and for all.
By seeking help, I gained years to my life. I lived under a dark cloud too long and didn’t enjoy life as well as I should. Seeking help has given me tools to help me gain the life I deserve.